ITACHI: Your Owner's Guide
by Prnkstr4Lfe
Summary: Congratulations! You have just purchased your very own ITACHI, one of the most popular units! But please, don't get hurt.


**AN: And here's another one! I decided to do Itachi because Disastrously Heavenly asked for it a long time ago. It was another long wait, but what else is to expect from me? -.-'**

**I also apologize for any misspellings or grammar issues. If you would kindly point any out if you see them, I will happily fix them.**

**I don't own Naruto. **

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You now own your very own UCHIHA ITACHI! It is suggested for you safety that you wear blinders or something equally effective in obstructing your eyesight.

**BASIC INFORMATION:**

**Name: **UCHIHA ITACHI

**Age: **21

**Gender:** Male

**Manufacturer: **Konohagakure S-ranked Criminals, Inc.

**Height: **178 cm

**Weight: **58 kg

**ACCESSORIES**

1 Leaf Missing-Nin Hitai-Ate

1 Akatsuki 'Scarlet' Ring

1 Akatsuki Cloaks

1 Weapons Pouch

5 Bottles of Eye Drops

2 Ponytail Holders

2 Pairs of White Legwarmers

2 Pairs of Navy Sandals

2 Pairs of Navy Pants

2 Navy Blue Shirts (with fishnet)

**REMOVAL FROM SHIPPING CONTAINER**

Your ITACHI should come from his box with no problem, and for the safety of you and any guests you may have at the moment, he comes with a blindfold attached. The next goal after getting him out of the box is getting the blindfold off without harming yourself or your ITACHI.

Your ITACHI comes with a weapons pouch. This is the simplest way to cut off the blindfold, but if used improperly, you may cut off some of his hair. He won't like you after that.

If you do not trust yourself with a kunai, scissors may be the next best thing. You still have the danger of cutting his hair, however.

Never EVER cut the blindfold off from the front. If you are facing him and make even a second of eye contact, you will have an S-ranked Missing Nin running around your neighborhood unsupervised. Being an ITACHI, this in itself is not too bad of a thing. However, the question remains if any of your neighbors have an UCHIHA SASUKE model. That would end badly.

**PROGRAMMING**

When the ITACHI is successfully out of his box, without injury to yourself (don't worry about harming him, it would be impossible for you to do so), the first thing he will try to do is perform Tsukuyomi© on you. As long as you read this manual first and do not look him in the eyes, you should be fine. Maybe.

The best way to earn you ITACHI's respect is to not question him about everything. Or talk to him. Or anything, really.

**PROGRAMS**

Your ITACHI has several programs, and whether you want to activate them or not is up to you. We are not responsible for any damage from you activating the wrong program.

Clan Killer – Do you have that annoying mother-in-law that you can't stand? Or a sibling that keeps stealing your limelight? Well with an ITACHI, they can be out of your hair in a single night.

S-Ranked Criminal – Every AKATSUKI member comes with this program already activated. So if your ITACHI comes with a wallet that isn't his, or yours, please call the toll free number at the end of this manual.

Big Brother – Have you always wanted that big brother to look up to or hate? Well ITACHI can fill that spot easily. He just won't acknowledge you as family. But maybe that's a good thing (see Clan Killer mode).

Nice Guy – Despite all he's done, your ITACHI can be a good guy sometimes. He won't kill you, at least. *WARNING – this mode is temporary and almost always results in your ITACHI's mood worsening once this wears off*

**MODES**

Cold _(Default)_

Uncaring

Out of Character _(Locked)_

Drunk _(Locked)_

Respectful _(Default)_

Annoyed

Peace Maker _(Locked)_

Dedicated

Your ITACHI will seem cold and uncaring. That's because he is. Towards you, anyway.

Your ITACHI's Out of Character Mode can be activated when he gets challenged by a SHIPPUDEN SASUKE. He will become nicer, and smile. Get a camera ready. Unfortunately, this will also be the last time you see him.

ITACHI's Drunk Mode is extremely hard to unlock, as he normally has the common sense to stay away from alcohol. However, if you can get his guard down for long enough, he can't hold his liquor very well.

Your ITACHI, although cold, is respectful. He rarely yells, and when he does, then it definitely was something that you did.

ITACHI always seems annoyed, but if he is pushed to far… we're not responsible for that, either.

Your ITACHI normally let things run their course, but if a KISAME picks a fight that will be a threat to completing their mission, an ITACHI will stop it.

If an ITACHI accepts a mission, he will get it done. Period.

**RELATIONSHIPS**

UCHIHA SASUKE: SASUKE is ITACHI's younger brother. Putting an ITACHI anywhere near a SASUKE will result in the SASUKE being damaged. If you have a SHIPPUDEN SASUKE, letting him and your ITACHI meet will result in the death of your ITACHI.

HOSHIGAKI KISAME: KISAME is the only AKATSUKI model, other than the PEIN model, that your ITACHI will treat with respect. ITACHI's normal form of communicating with a KISAME is ordering him around.

PEIN: PEIN is the AKATSUKI leader. That is it.

UZUMAKI NARUTO: Your ITACHI will try to capture any NARUTO unit he passes. The NARUTO will automatically fight back, unless accompanied with a HATAKE KAKASHI unit.

*Due to being a rather prominent character, there are many more relationships that could be listed. If you are interested in another one, please contact the toll free number.

**CLEANING**

Your ITACHI is pretty independent. He will not ask you for your help. We will not pay for any hospital bills resulting in you trying to force your help on him.

**ENERGY**

Your ITACHI will need frequent rest if you are an annoyance to him. This will cause him to use his MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN© too much. If you are not an annoyance, don't be surprised if your ITACHI watches you at all times.

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS**

Q: My ITACHI doesn't sleep and sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, he is sitting there watching me! Does this mean he likes me?

A: No. Not at all. This is not _Twilight_.

Q: Okay, this ITACHI you guys sent me is running into walls. Why?"

A: If you notice him using his MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN© a lot, he is going blind. If you haven't, he probably has a TOBI personality chip installed. If it is the latter, please send him back and we'll get you a brand new ITACHI.

Q: WTH! You guys sent me an ITACHI when I wanted SASUKE!

A: You probably stopped reading after the clan name. They aren't anywhere close on the list (we weren't even allowed to put them in alphabetical order, the SASUKEs wouldn't let us). But we will not refund you. Sorry.

**TROUBLESHOOTING**

PROBLEM: You ran out of eye drops to give to your ITACHI. Is there a way to get more?

SOLUTION: Of course you can! At least for $6.00 a bottle you can.

PROBLEM: Several powerful families in your area are disappearing.

SOLUTION: Check if your ITACHI is at home every night. If he isn't, then run. Out of the country would probably work the best.

**FINAL NOTES**

If you follow these instructions, you should be able to survive your life with your ITACHI! We thank you for ordering from us, and hope you choose to shop with us again.

*We do not offer refunds if you are injured by your ITACHI.*

TOLL FREE NUMBER: (123)456-7890

**A/N: So there was ITACHI! As always, if you have any character requests, review or PM me. I should be able to have more time to write these, but you never know.**

***SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT* Just as a note, I know that Itachi is a good guy in the end. I was mostly playing off him as he is portrayed earlier in the series. *END***

**I hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to review! **


End file.
